Iron and Wine
by Rose Gilmore
Summary: she isn't sure what, yet, but its something she keeps coming back to, and  it is hard, being a survivor,  victor is what the capitol called it, killer is what she calls it, survivor is what he whispers in her ear drunk    ONESHOT JOHANNA/GALE CRACK OTP


**Authors note: **wrote this because of peer pressure and i was up at 1am, named it _iron and wine_ after the band, because their music was what i was listening to when i was writing this. oh and i know this sucks, so be nice. :)  
here it is, and its in its second draft. i edited this twice, but if you have any nice suggestions let me know. :)  
Feel free to add any changes/suggestions/critic to it for improvement purposes. :)

* * *

_finnick. annie. katniss. boggs. prim. _

the list is a toll, he's created in his mind.

people who have been killed in the war because of him.

_prim_.

katniss is still alive, but, his best friend catnip? she is gone because of gale. because of the parachutes. because of him.

_cinna. coin. snow. finnick. peeta. _

the list grows daily, as he sits in between takes, with a bottle of rum (district 2 has

the best alcohol, but worse than hell hang overs)

he doesn't think of himself as a martyr

but he takes the blame for prim. (and that is enough. it is as if he killed the whole world)

peeta and katniss still live (if that's what you can call it)

but they are different, part of them is forever gone

he let the capitol ruin him

from the inside out

how did that happen? when did the days of walking through the forest shouting threats to the capitol

switch to actually doing something?

_prim_

she wasn't supposed to go. this wasn't the plan.

he is screwed up

a broken record that wont stop playing (I killed her.

I am a killer.

something that katniss hates.

I've lost myself)

he isn't sure which one is worse, and that's what scares him the most.

(I killed her,) it starts again

there is this girl

years his senior

but somehow she understands (is that even possible?)

Johanna.

The name is of someone he thinks he hasn't affected

he hasn't killed her

not even a part of her

(but there is a hole, where finnick odair should be)

Johanna is harsh and rash

friction

and pain (she wont tell anyone

why she has no one. none at all. Jabberjays do not

scare her—but he has no one either)

rough lips, late nights, empty bottles

_prim_

he heard once, that victors stick together, because no one else knows the pain

he thinks he can understand (he is wrong)

over and over and over

they find themselves in the same situation

(isn't that insanity? doing the same

thing. waiting for a different result?)

as months turn to a years

gale starts looking for peace,

forgiveness, for that feeling he had before this all began

Johanna can't put a name to it

she isn't sure what she is looking for (but this boy from the seam, it isn't it)

she doesn't need love

(he doesn't give it to her)

Gale and Johanna

the words are never spoken like that

they don't tell others, that she has found-

she has found something

(she isn't sure what

yet, but its something she keeps coming back to ) and

empty nights are filled

with the boy who knows traps

and she is trapped. it is hard

being a survivor (victor is what the capitol called it

killer is what she calls it

survivor is what he whispers in her ear, drunk)

her hair is sticky, when he finds her

leaning against the bathroom toilet

"you weren't even drinking" the words fall out, confused

but then he gets it

"don't even say it hawthorne." is the only thing she says

before hurling

he is the skilled trapper (but then

how are they here, stuck, together,

bounded and trapped by one too many drunk nights.)

and no protection.

the capitol women have pills,

pregnancy is avoidable, sex has no consequence

(the pill is small and gold)

while the capitol is no more, the same is not true for their pills

she has a bottle in the back of her cabinet, it sits on the kitchen table now

"i need some air." she can't just stare at gale all day long saying nothing (the

morning sickness has stopped now.) she needs to drink

_prim. finnick. boggs. cinna. madge. _

now this unborn child (his unborn child) will be added to the list

the thought drives him crazy, he's gone three years without killing

without fighting, without having more blood on his hands

_prim_

when Johanna comes back, the kitchen table is empty,

except for Gale sitting next to it (both of which surprise her)

maybe being responsible for someone (alive.

no more lists of the dead are made)

would do both of them some good.

* * *

**Authors note: for ****electrumqueen** on livejournal because you fangirld about johanna/gale babyfic! and convinced me to write and post this. :)


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